Are you in love with him/her?
You really did love him didn’t you?
These are questions not uncommon for a therapist to ask. Well I ask such questions in my work as a psychotherapist from time to time. Generally speaking most people can answer those with a degree of certainty.
When asked such a question I have found that most can answer the question quite quickly and feel a degree of certainty in their answer whether that be yes or no. Sometimes you get an answer like,
“Well I could have if...”
there had been time, or if circumstances would have allowed us to
and so on.
The point at hand is that generally speaking people tend to know. This has always surprised me a bit over the years because it raises an odd situation. The person who can answer this question is one who has contact with their Free Child ego state. When they answer the question it is the Free Child that speaks. However ask them to explain what love is and they can’t, as no one can.
Thus we have the odd situation where the Adult ego state cannot explain what love is but the Free Child knows if it has it or not.
The person who finds it difficult to answer is that who has poor access to the Child ego state aspect of their personality, especially the Free Child. That is why when asked the one’s who respond reasonably quickly are the ones who generally know. Those who take a bit of time tend to be those who go to their Adult ego state for the answer and of course the Adult ego state cannot answer it. The Adult ego state does not know, instead it is the Free Child that knows.