tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3289688322615470169.post8075818411160787218..comments2024-03-29T15:43:54.557+08:00Comments on Tony White - Graffiti: Using FaceBook in the therapeutic processTony Whitehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07034697658099080220noreply@blogger.comBlogger16125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3289688322615470169.post-86582901262468428612010-09-08T01:13:48.613+08:002010-09-08T01:13:48.613+08:00Thanks for the explanation Tony -
I'm wonderin...Thanks for the explanation Tony -<br />I'm wondering in the context of early trauma - does the adapted child take over as a protection for the free child?<br /><br />One of the books I recently purchased has a section on TA and its use in trauma therapy. Perhaps that will help me understand more about it.<br /><br />OLJonelongjourneyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07597384019046282972noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3289688322615470169.post-77253720420155530602010-09-03T12:23:30.341+08:002010-09-03T12:23:30.341+08:00The theory is OLJ,
As each of us grow we develop ...The theory is OLJ,<br /><br />As each of us grow we develop early demands of our parents. That is there is some unmet emotional need that our parents never staisfied in us. <br /><br />The question asked in adulthood is," What was the thing you always wanted from mother and never got?". The usual answers are love, encouragement, being heard and listened to, time, attention and so forth.<br /><br />Our Free Child will continue to want these things when we develop relationships in adulthood. But on the other hand the Adapted Child part of us will set out to make sure we never get these things. It will make moves and decisions in the relationship such that their early demand remains unmet. Anger and resistance in the relationship could be such a maneuver as I said above.<br /><br />regards<br /><br />TonyTony Whitehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07034697658099080220noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3289688322615470169.post-60454803374880294432010-09-03T01:50:33.116+08:002010-09-03T01:50:33.116+08:00Tony -
I'm not sure I understand what you mean...Tony -<br />I'm not sure I understand what you mean. I understand the words but perhaps not the meaning. Although I've read your posts for awhile, I'm still not sure I get TA.<br /><br />Cheers back,<br />OLJonelongjourneyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07597384019046282972noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3289688322615470169.post-56254472199453834832010-09-01T10:28:58.478+08:002010-09-01T10:28:58.478+08:00The anger and resistence could have a number of ca...The anger and resistence could have a number of causes OLJ,<br /><br />If it is a move from the stage of positive transference into the stage of negative transference then one could call that a function of the Free Child.<br /><br />It could also be a intuitive unconscious move by the Adapted Child so as to structure the therapeutic relationship such that your early demands of the Free Child are again not met.<br /><br />Cheers<br /><br />TonyTony Whitehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07034697658099080220noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3289688322615470169.post-89907668553693470432010-08-31T20:19:33.667+08:002010-08-31T20:19:33.667+08:00Yes - the anger and resistance has been raised bef...Yes - the anger and resistance has been raised before - it comes and goes. So is that the Free Child that comes up with the anger and resistance?<br /><br />OLJonelongjourneyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07597384019046282972noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3289688322615470169.post-24107379591487762302010-08-29T10:34:58.628+08:002010-08-29T10:34:58.628+08:00Hello OLJ,
Well that is a good sign, that you fee...Hello OLJ,<br /><br />Well that is a good sign, that you feel anger and resistance to the therapy process. I assume you already have but if you haven't I would recommend that you tell the therapist that you are feeling that way. <br /><br />If a client says such a thing to me then it is time to really go digging in the psyche of the client for the reasons I state in my YouTube video. It is a most positive sign that the client is primed for psychological change.<br /><br />Saying 'no' to a client who asks to be my faceBook friend? As you mentioned before it can be a therapeutic thing for a client.<br /><br />I ask myself the following questions<br /><br />1. Do I think the client can handle it and not get involved in all sorts of games.<br /><br />2. Does my own Free Child want such a FaceBook friend.<br /><br />Take care<br /><br />TonyTony Whitehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07034697658099080220noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3289688322615470169.post-58542369901470332102010-08-29T06:43:16.763+08:002010-08-29T06:43:16.763+08:00Tony -
That stage (the cancelling) comes up every ...Tony -<br />That stage (the cancelling) comes up every once in awhile, but I've never actually done it. Just think about it when I become resistant to the process.<br /><br />Why have you said No to some clients who friend you on facebook? For me it's more an abstract concept because I don't frequent facebook all that much.<br /><br />OLJonelongjourneyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07597384019046282972noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3289688322615470169.post-34725165476738146932010-08-27T08:19:50.592+08:002010-08-27T08:19:50.592+08:00OH I did not realize OLJ that it was at the stage ...OH I did not realize OLJ that it was at the stage of possibly cancelling and not going!<br /><br />that is an interesting stage of therapy though<br /><br />TonyTony Whitehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07034697658099080220noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3289688322615470169.post-88227522998189626132010-08-26T20:29:35.424+08:002010-08-26T20:29:35.424+08:00Good morning!
Your question made me smile. :)
I ...Good morning!<br /><br />Your question made me smile. :)<br /><br />I feel less angry today. I was able to journal yesterday all the reasons why I might feel anger and I have a few good reasons. Now the key is to take them in to talk about (rather than call and say I'm not coming).<br /><br />Have a good day!<br />OLJonelongjourneyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07597384019046282972noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3289688322615470169.post-31003143269961794072010-08-26T13:15:22.977+08:002010-08-26T13:15:22.977+08:00Why do you ask the question OLJ?
Just joking my f...Why do you ask the question OLJ?<br /><br />Just joking my friend!!<br /><br />Sounds good to me - an angry and resistent client. Something is going to happen for sure. <br /><br />But in answering your question it seems like it could well be. this idea seems to have some importance for you. Good for you!<br /><br />TonyTony Whitehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07034697658099080220noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3289688322615470169.post-67284094028752907002010-08-26T03:44:57.480+08:002010-08-26T03:44:57.480+08:00Tony -
I like this approach.
Do you think this ba...Tony -<br />I like this approach.<br /><br />Do you think this back and forth on this subject could have been the reason I went to therapy today angry and resistant? :))<br /><br />OLJonelongjourneyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07597384019046282972noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3289688322615470169.post-43311643639258554532010-08-24T08:39:28.216+08:002010-08-24T08:39:28.216+08:00Hello OLJ,
I understand and agree with you that s...Hello OLJ,<br /><br />I understand and agree with you that some therapists think that the WHY you want to know something is more important than the actual information.<br /><br />I wrote about this in July this year in the post titled<br /><br />Client's asking difficult questions<br /><br />I personally don't put a big deal of emphasis on the WHY of a question asked by a client. I can''t remember the last time I asked a client such a thing.<br /><br />Most often I am willing to answer the question, so I answer it, I may then enquire as to what the client's reaction is to my answer and thus work on the transference in this way. other times I just let it go and the person wanted to know something about me so I told them.<br /><br />I think at least some of the time when the therapist asks the cleint WHY they ask the question that they are hiding behind their theories. The therapist's FC is uncomfortable with answering the question so they quickly jump to analysis of the questioner and don't answer the actual question.<br /><br />In addition I think it could be a discount of the client because the question never gets answered. What is wrong with one person asking another a question and the second person giving an answer. It seems like basic good human communication to me.<br /><br />TonyTony Whitehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07034697658099080220noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3289688322615470169.post-21113858940144956222010-08-24T00:53:08.271+08:002010-08-24T00:53:08.271+08:00Thanks for the reply Tony. I think your way makes...Thanks for the reply Tony. I think your way makes much more sense than the typical secrecy. If I were a therapist, I think I would have your approach. (Although I am also a firm believer that you don't know truly how you will react until faced with a situation yourself). I think sometimes the desire to "know" things about a therapist gets in the way of actual therapy. My therapist disclosed to me that she had personally experienced EMDR, but not why. I am an inquisitive person, so of course, I still think about what happened to her, how much talk therapy she had before EMDR, etc..... To me, this is relevant as she and I have talked about me and EMDR.<br /><br />Of course, my T (and others who practice like her) think that the WHY you want to know something is more important than the actual information. I've always found it discordant that therapy is said to be useful in dealing with relationships and the therapeutic relationship is often described as almost sacred. In my opinion, such a one sided relationship is not modeling the "real" world of relationships. <br /><br />I certainly don't expect complete disclosure and obviously the disclosure is not to be done so the client can counsel the therapist. But some disclosure satisfies the curiosity and then therapy can move on.<br /><br />Again, I like your approach.<br /><br />OLJonelongjourneyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07597384019046282972noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3289688322615470169.post-90391609866135945992010-08-23T08:01:28.162+08:002010-08-23T08:01:28.162+08:00Hello OLJ,
There is one current cleint who is a F...Hello OLJ,<br /><br />There is one current cleint who is a FaceBook friend of mine. There are a couple of ex clients. I have had others ask and have said no, but there has never been a large number who have asked. I suspect others have done what you did and have searched and then gone no further.<br /><br />If people want to research me they can easily do it via the internet. I have lots of 'me' on there, as can been seen on this public blog. At times I have said some quite personal stuff here.<br /><br />I hear some say they can't put this and that on the internet about themselves and they get quite secretive. That has never been my philosophy. To my mind that just breeds trouble and further interest in those wanting to find out. It creates more problemst than it solves.<br /><br />So I tell people stuff, sure there are things that I don't say which are very personal and often involve disclosing things about others which is not fair to them. But do say a lot of stuff, so what if people know I'm divorced, or my mother suicided or my first born son died. <br /><br />When they find that out, what then?<br /><br />Not much.<br /><br />People loose interest and are far more intrigued both those who try and keep all their secrets, secret.<br /><br />thanks for your comment my friend.<br /><br />TonyTony Whitehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07034697658099080220noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3289688322615470169.post-90555932560179903782010-08-23T04:10:35.997+08:002010-08-23T04:10:35.997+08:00So do you become friends with clients on facebook?...So do you become friends with clients on facebook? Most of what I've read at least here in the US is that is ill advised. I've seen a rare opinion though of therapists who do allow clients to friend them because they view it as part of a natural social process and allows clients to see them as people.<br /><br />My T did not have have a page when I first started with her, but she does now. I've searched her but never friended her nor told her that I've looked her up. Avoidance I guess.<br /><br />OLJonelongjourneyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07597384019046282972noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3289688322615470169.post-36059533688176282002010-08-22T16:38:36.764+08:002010-08-22T16:38:36.764+08:00Oh Tony - that last story has a lovely ending. Tha...Oh Tony - that last story has a lovely ending. Thank you for thatroseshttp://mymindurplace.blogstream.comnoreply@blogger.com