Why do I write?

In the Script Newsletter they have a regular column which asks this question. Various ITAA members have answered it so I thought I would give it a go as well.

Over the years I have had people who are wanting to write an article ask me, “How do you start to write?” I just don’t understand that question. The problem for me is not how to start but how to stop.

I recall being 13 or 14 and I kind of got my first girl friend. I then spontaneously started to write her love letters because that is what you do, or at least I thought that is what you do. Over time however I discovered that my peers did not do the same. In fact I could not find one who did the same thing. I recall feeling that I was a bit odd and wondered, “Why wouldn’t you write such letters?”. However this, as I said made me feel a bit strange so I stopped writing them.

Then in late high school I studied literature and we had various writing exercises from time to time. I did them all in this exercise book which eventually never left my side and it became kind of my friend. It was not really a diary but a place where I wrote my homework exercises and would write other things that I thought about. I even wrote some fantasy short stories I thought up. Fiction writing has never really appealed to me. It’s OK but it did not really hold any great interest for me. But I can recall having that exercise book and it was kind of quite important to me at the time. I wish I still had it but it got lost some where along the way.

In my early twenties I began studying psychology at university and I discovered that I would get all these ideas about psychology and philosophical stuff. When I read something I would get lots of ideas about it. Different ways of looking at what I was reading or combining different ideas about the same subject to arrive at a different conclusion and so forth. Also I have never read a book from cover to cover, particularly psychology books. I only read sections at a time that are of current interest to me or something I have an idea about.  Then I will go to another book or journal article on the same topic and read what they have to say. I may end up reading the whole book but it is only section by section over time and in any order that interests me at the time.

After a bit of time I found that I was getting over loaded with these ideas in my head and actually went through a bit of a bad patch in this way in the very early days at university. So I started writing them down. These were not assignments I had to do for my degree or preparation for some exam these were outside the requirements for any formal study. I recall a few fellow students who saw some of this writing ask me why I did it to which I initially did not have an answer.

However I eventually came up with an answer of - Why do I write? It serves two functions for me. The first one is it provides me with some cathartic relief. The actual process of writing the idea out provides a sense of relief for me. It kind of gets the idea out of my head. 

Second it means I could then let the idea go. I don’t know if this sounds weird or not but I have this sense of a huge 3D spider web. Like a matrix type of thing and all the ideas are connected to each other in the matrix. Each idea has a number of links (like the 3D web) to other ideas. They are all categorized and each category is linked to other categories. 

When I first started getting these ideas I would not want to forget them because then I would have forgotten them and the link would be lost. So I got overloaded for a while as I said before. However I discovered that if I wrote them down then I had a record of them and then that part of the matrix would not be lost. I could always refer back to it as i do. Writing the idea down allowed me to let the idea go because it would not be lost. I did not have to try and keep it in my head.

So that is why I write but this created another problem. As time went on what I had written started to mount up. This was before computers so I started to get a pile of papers that I had written. What was I going to do with them?

Over the years they have been complied in different ways and presented to the public in different ways. But originally I created a seminar called the Loftus Street Seminar where I had my office. It involved a series of lectures on the ideas I had thought up and eventually this resulted in a book called  “New ways in Transactional Analysis - Proceedings of the Loftus Street Seminar (Volume 1)” which was published in 1984.

There ended up being 9 volumes

Volume	Title	Date
One	New ways in transactional analysis	1984
Two	Transference based therapy	1985
Three	Psychoseparation	1986
Four	Creative feeling	1986
Five	The treatment of character	1987
Six	Adolescence, anger and what to do	1990
Seven	Employee support programme	1991
Eight	Staying alive	1991
Nine	Psychotherapy and the art of being human	1993

Then the internet arrived and that was like leaving a child in a candy store. It’s all about writing and now what I write can easily be presented to the world.

Graffiti

Me and my epiphany

I had an epiphany today which I suppose is a good thing to have on the last day of the decade.

On my facebook I have been having a recent discussion with Ljiljana who I met in Serbia earlier this year. In recent times I have been getting some translations of my articles from English to Serbian and then placing them on my Serbian Translations Blog

In our FB discussions of these translations I stated to her how it felt odd to see my writing presented in another language. It is not unpleasant or anything it just feels a bit strange.

This got me thinking as I found it hard to articulate what the odd or strange reaction was. I couldn’t really understand what it was and what it meant to me.

Then I had my epiphany!!

Epiphany

It came to me, at least in part, what the odd feeling was. The word that suddenly popped into my mind was - “disjointed”. It was like I felt disjointed from the writing or there was a lack of connection to it when I saw it in a language that I could not understand.

This surprised me somewhat as I had been quite unaware of it. I suppose that as I usually saw my writing in English I never realised that I also had a psychological connection to what I wrote. It was not until I experienced the ‘oddness’ a number of times in a close succession when setting up and posting on my Serbian Translations Blog that I realised something was awry.

It’s like I expect to meet with

myself but it just doesn’t happen.

It seems that when I write stuff part of me psychologically goes into it and when I read it later on I feel a connection to that part of me that originally went into it. However when I see it later in another language that I cannot comprehend, I cannot make the connection to the part of me that originally went into it. I feel disjointed from it.

I love epiphanies!!

Graffiti