Sexual strategies theory

The sexual strategies theory (SST) Buss & Schmitt (1993) has been very influential in a number of fields including anthropology, social psychology and attachment theory. In recent years it has impacted areas such as these in a profound way.  

It is based on a feature of human biology.

Men are able to reproduce their genes with as little investment as a few minutes and a few sperm

For women the cost is much higher involving years including gestation, lactation and childcare. 

This asymmetry has resulted in different sex specific strategies for achieving reproductive success.

The mating behaviors seen today reflect the psychological mechanisms that evolved to solve specific adaptive problems faced by each sex. Unlike many female primates who has obvious sexual swellings to signal fertility in human females ovulation is concealed. Ancestral males had to therefore solve the problem of how to identify fertile partners. Given that female fertility declines with age, youth is one possible clue.

Another is physical attractiveness, the markers of which are hypothesized to correlate with health. In theory, the ancestral solution to the male problem of identifying fertile partners was an evolved preference for young and attractive mates. In addition the relatively small investment required for gene replication supposedly resulted in the male preference for multiple partners.

The situation is different for human females in that every sexual encounter is potentially quite costly and as a consequence she is far more cautious and choosy. The problem for ancestral females is to find a mate who possess the resources and was willing to commit to her and her offspring. According to SST, the most favorable female strategy is to hold out for one high status male who will provide for her and her children.

SST acknowledges that males and females can alter their strategies under certain conditions. A man can agree to long term mating in order to obtain a high value mate. A woman may accept a short term mating arrangement in order to extract needed resources.

According to SST mate selection is inherently strategic. Men and women are equipped with specific mate choice mechanisms that guide them to the best available mates. The male will look for the young attractive female and the female will look for the male with status, ambition and resources.

Since SST has been presented there have been literally hundreds of studies done to test its validity. Most notably one involving 10,000 people in 37 different cultures, located on six continents. The results have have been  supportive of the theory.

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This for some is a very controversial theory and to my mind there are some difficulties with it.

This theory will be assessed and some of the difficulties with it articulated in the workshop below. However it does have implications for how men and women view some aspects of sex differently. Sexual difficulties or perhaps difficulties as a result of miscommunication about sex are discussed and provide the counsellor with important information to use with clients.

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The dyadic approach to family therapy

Case 1. Present are mother, father and 18 year old son. Presenting problem is son’s addiction to the internet which results in little socializing, low income from a very part time job and not getting on with life in general.

Traditional family therapy would see the son’s difficulty as a response to the parents marital problems, designed to keep the parents distracted from it.

Another possibility is to look at the family as a collection of dyads. A collection of coupling within the family. These coupling relationships can be seen to

Strongest dyad  -  father son

Second dyad - husband  wife

Weakest dyad  - mother son

Strongest dyad in the family is the father son. This can be seen to be the dominant dyad of the three possibilities in terms of it having the most influence on how the family functions and structures itself at this point in time. In this instance I highlighted to the family that it was being significantly effected by having two dominant males.

Like those nature shows where the bull sea lion has his harem of females on the beach. From time to time along comes another male who wants to be the dominant one and they have a fight to decide that. The loser then takes off and order is restored with the one dominant male on the beach. This family had the same kind of dynamic going on in the father son couple.

However in this family one of the males simply can’t leave like the sea lion can and so they have to some how coexist on the same beach. The son has however removed himself to his bedroom but still regularly asserts himself in the family and dominating by not doing what he is supposed to do - get a job and grow up basically.

The focus to date has been mainly on strengthening the mother son dyad. One of the most obvious ways to alter a family structure is to strengthen and weaken the various dyads. Once done then the family structure would be different.

This view of families or human groups has direct and immediate consequences for couples therapy. Couples therapy is also a collection of three dyads 

Husband  wife

Husband  therapist

Wife   therapist.

In this case the dyads can be strengthened by having individual sessions with only one party with the other marital party not present but aware the other is having an individual session.

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Family systems theory - the concept of the dysfunctional dyad.

(Note: In the past I have usually written here on my blog and then transferred some of the material to my FaceBook page. In recent times I have tended to adapt some of my writing for FaceBook such as this post here, which was presented in three sections on my FaceBook. It is now presented as a post here. If you wish to read some of the more recent writing I am doing now, just friend request me on Facebook.)

Traditional family systems theory says suicidal behaviour can be a leaving home problem. The suicidal teenager serves the function in the family triad where they distract the parents from focussing on their dysfunctional marriage. 

However it can be proposed that the leaving home problem may not necessarily be the result of a dysfunctional family triad but can be mainly based in the mind of the teenager and the parent and thus one has a dysfunctional dyad in the family.

The teenager has a strong need for separation and individuation and at the same time has a strong fear of it. The suicidal behaviour or ideation allows the teenager to remain attached to the parent(s) as it indicates to himself or herself that they are not coping with adult life. Hence they can justify to self reverting to the security of the pre existing symbiosis with mother because the stakes are so high. Others will also confer with this as they demonstrate that a young person's life is at stake here.

In the dysfunctional family dyad the level of fear of separation can exist in both parties in varying degrees. Mother and teenager may both have high fear of separation and a breakdown of the symbiosis. Or it can be high in the teenager and low in the parent or high in the parent and low in the teenager. The suicidality of the teenager prevents the separation from occurring.

The leaving home theory of psychological problems in teenagers can apply also for drug use, failure to get functional employment, social isolation, psychosis, eating disorders and so forth. 

However suicide can be seen to hold a special place amongst these because it involves the death of the person whereas the others do not. The vast majority of eating disordered teenagers will not die from their eating habits. Some anorexics can die from starvation but that would be seen as an act of suicide rather than an eating disorder. Some drug users can die from overdose but that vast majority of drug users do not. If they do that can be seen as an act of suicide as well.

Suicide as a leaving home problem is of course also symbolic. It is symbolic of the ultimate form of separation and leaving the symbiosis.

In family systems theory the concept of the triad rests on a remarkably simple principle - the distraction technique. The parent and child relate in such a way so as to distract the parents from focussing on marital disharmony. It seems almost inevitable that one must expand this to also include non pathological behaviour in the child. But of course this will never come to the attention of the psychotherapist. However it certainly needs to be proposed which I suppose I am doing right now!!

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The role of relational confluence in working through emotions

(This is an edited version of the previous posting)

When one has a feeling the process usually articulated is the mechanism of tension followed by expression and then relaxation. This originally came from the work of Wilhelm Reich who plays a major role in this aspect of human functioning. He presented the powerful yet simple model of a feeling involving firstly tension followed by expression and then relaxation.

This upon reflection this is too one dimensional.  On occasion feelings occur in the context of a relationship or at least whilst in relational contact.  One may have a feeling reaction to another person directly or one may express a feeling about something else but in the company of another.

One could argue the response the other party plays is crucial to how successful the emotion is dealt with. Hence we arrive at the vulnerability anxiety equation.

Consider the situation where person A discusses an emotion not related to person B. For example person A is angry at her boss and is telling her husband (person B). The responses by the husband are going to influence how person A deals with or resolves the angry feelings. For example sometimes husbands can get into ‘fixing’ mode and  respond to the wife in ways where he is trying to help her to fix the problem with the boss. Often this is not what is wanted and she really just wants him to listen to her as she vents her thoughts and feelings about the matter. He does not understand this and as a result it leaves her with a sense of incompletion with her anger because there is a communication problem with her husband.

As one can see this adds an extra dimension to the original Reichian proposal of how one needs to ‘work through’ emotions. That is, resolving feelings (at least some of the time) is a two person psychological process. In this sense it is deemed erroneous to view the resolution of feelings as a function of one person alone. Instead the feeling, in some instances, must be brought into the relational with another person. 

If the other person responds in an effective way then the sense of resolution will be more complete in the emotion laden individual. If the husband had responded by just listening to the wife, then her sense of completion would be more satisfactory and psychologically healthy.

She takes a risk. If she does not raise the angry situation with him then he cannot respond poorly such that she is worse off after her exchange. At the same time if she does not raise it with him then she cannot get that greater sense of completion if he responds in an appropriate way.

It seems reasonable to suggest that dealing with and resolving emotions needs to be seen as more than just one person having some kind of cathartic release. Instead emotions play a central part of relationships and hence one needs to view them in the wider context of relationships which can assist or hinder the process of working through the emotion.

The above example can be shown diagrammatically. In transaction 1 the wife expresses to her husband the angst she felt at work regarding her boss. Two possible responses of his are indicated. First he could cross the transaction and respond from Adult as shown in transaction 2 - “This could be a solution to the problem.” If she is simply wanting to be heard and listened to by her husband then this response will result in a sense of non completion about her feelings.

If he responds from NP in transaction 3 and listens sympathetically then she will experience much more of a sense of completion about the feelings. Thus we are in a position to alter the original Reichian conception of the process of feeling. This diagram comes from Reich (1971).

Moving beyond the purely hydraulic theory of tension build up followed by tension release and adding in a relational component one gets a modified process. 

After tension build up (the person feeling the feeling) the expression allows for a release of tension which provides a partial solution. However as is the often the case with feelings, particularly troublesome feelings, the individual also has a desire to talk about it and relate aspects of the event to a close other. If this happens and the other responds in an effective manner then a sense of relational confluence can be seen to be achieved and the feeling is then fully worked through. Without the achievement of relational confluence the feeling could be seen to be unresolved in the psychological sense of the term.

Reference

Reich, W.

1971. The Function of the Orgasm: The Discovery of the Orgone. Meridian: New York

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The resolution of emotion using a two person psychology

(This is an edited version of the previous posting)

When one has a feeling the process usually articulated is the mechanism of tension followed by expression and then relaxation. This originally came from the work of Wilhelm Reich who plays a major role in this aspect of human functioning. He presented the powerful yet simple model of a feeling involving firstly tension followed by expression and then relaxation.

This upon reflection this is too one dimensional.  On occasion feelings occur in the context of a relationship or at least whilst in relational contact.  One may have a feeling reaction to another person directly or one may express a feeling about something else but in the company of another.

One could argue the response the other party plays is crucial to how successful the emotion is dealt with. Hence we arrive at the vulnerability anxiety equation.

Consider the situation where person A discusses an emotion not related to person B. For example person A is angry at her boss and is telling her husband (person B). The responses by the husband are going to influence how person A deals with or resolves the angry feelings. For example sometimes husbands can get into ‘fixing’ mode and  respond to the wife in ways where he is trying to help her to fix the problem with the boss. Often this is not what is wanted and she really just wants him to listen to her as she vents her thoughts and feelings about the matter. He does not understand this and as a result it leaves her with a sense of incompletion with her anger because there is a communication problem with her husband.

As one can see this adds an extra dimension to the original Reichian proposal of how one needs to ‘work through’ emotions. That is, resolving feelings (at least some of the time) is a two person psychological process. In this sense it is deemed erroneous to view the resolution of feelings as a function of one person alone. Instead the feeling, in some instances, must be brought into the relational with another person. 

If the other person responds in an effective way then the sense of resolution will be more complete in the emotion laden individual. If the husband had responded by just listening to the wife, then her sense of completion would be more satisfactory and psychologically healthy.

She takes a risk. If she does not raise the angry situation with him then he cannot respond poorly such that she is worse off after her exchange. At the same time if she does not raise it with him then she cannot get that greater sense of completion if he responds in an appropriate way.

It seems reasonable to suggest that dealing with and resolving emotions needs to be seen as more than just one person having some kind of cathartic release. Instead emotions play a central part of relationships and hence one needs to view them in the wider context of relationships which can assist or hinder the process of working through the emotion.

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The resolution of emotion

When one has a feeling the process usually articluated is the mechanism of tension followed by expression and then relaxation. This originally came from the work of Wilhelm Reich who plays a major role in this aspect of human functioning. He presented the powerful yet simple model of a feeling involving firstly tension followed by expression and then relaxation.

This upon reflection this is too one dimensional.  On occasion feelings occur in the context of a relationship or at least whilst in relational contact.  One may have a feeling reaction to another person directly or one may express a feeling about something else but in the company of another.

One could argue the response the other party plays is crucial to how successful the emotion is dealt with. Hence we arrive at the vulnerability anxiety equation.

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The young psychotherapist

At the TA meeting last night I did my life script time line and a discussion of the young psychotherapist came up. I began counselling when I was 22 years old and this resulted in some discussion on the psychodynamics and transactional dynamics of the young psychotherapist.

To be a young psychotherapist is a hard thing to do. Compared to the general adult population you are inexperienced in life, inexperienced as a psychotherapist and both you and the client know it. This immediately puts the young psychotherapist in a difficult position which the older beginning psychotherapist is not. If a person begins training as a psychotherapist at the age of 35 or 40 they do not have such a hard time in this way

Not only is the young psychotherapist automatically ‘discriminated’ against in this way by the client but they have less experience and psychological resources to deal with such a negative perception compared to the mature adult. (This is not a negative statement about clients as it is a natural, factually based perception for clients to have of a young therapist.) So they really are in a tough situation.

Will I have the skills to make it in this occupation? No young person ever knows this until they give it a go. But the young psychotherapist has an extra hard time compared to other occupations.

When a client seeks counselling and the therapist is 40 years old the client will automatically assume the therapist has a reasonable level of life experience and hence is automatically imbued with potency to varying degrees. If the client has been told by a  friend or relative about the therapist then in the mind of the client the therapist has some kind of good reputation which also automatically imbues them with a psychological potency in the client’s mind. The young therapist has neither a large level of life experience nor a reputation. So they do not automatically get given a psychological potency by the client.

This is shown in the transaction below. This is missing with the young psychotherapist. This is a very crucial transaction in the client therapist relationship. Clients seek out counselors about very intimate and important issues that can effect their lives in significant way. A trust and belief in the therapists skills is very important for the client to have. The young psychotherapist has to battle against this which the older new psychotherapist does not (so much).

However the story gets worse. The young psychotherapist is aware (at least to some degree) of this lack of belief and trust by the client which for some would undermine their confidence. Thus the young psychotherapist who already lacks a bit of confidence because of their age then has to battle against this further level of lack of confidence which the older beginning therapist does not. And being younger they have less natural psychological resources to deal with such lack of confidence.

However some young therapist do survive and go onto make careers in the profession. As a young therapist I would think at times, “This person is asking me for counselling about their marriage and I am only 22 years old”. This did strike me as a bit strange and a bit fearsome. However at the same time I did have a confidence in my self that I knew what I was doing and that I was being effective. It wasn’t until years later that I realized that my confidence then as a young therapist was a bit unrealistic. 

Not an easy thing to do.

Also one does tend to get automatic feedback. If you see a client and they say they want to return next week (and then actually does so) that is an indicator that what you are doing with this person did work. Of course then there are clients who don’t return or report that things are not getting better which the young therapist has to have the confidence to ride over that bit of a rough patch. But if you are out there in the cut throat world of private practice where clients pay to see you and they keep coming, that is ‘proof’ that you are doing something right.  I think that is how I got through the ‘baptism of fire’ which all young therapists have to do or else they drift off into some other occupation.

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