Monday, May 10, 2010

What’s in a name? - Part 2


In the Transactional Analysis world over the years there has been sort of a tradition or cultural norm to change one’s name. Many have changed their name - christian name and/or surname, some have done it a number of times. I never have but at times it has been a bit of the thing to do.


However there is a theoretical basis for this tradition evolving. Eric Berne in his book, “What do you say after you say hello” talks about names and the role they can play in determining a persons life script. In therapy groups sometimes you get people who want to do some work on their name.


Over the years in many workshops and therapy groups I have begun with the round question for each participant - What is the story behind your name? Who named you and why? What does your name mean to you, your mother, and so on? Nicknames also can be very important, how they got them and what they mean to the person.


One never ceases to be amazed at some of the answers you get. Some people have whole elaborate stories or information that they know about their name and how they became named what they did. Some people come to realise that they know all this stuff about their name that they did not know they knew.


A man may report that he was named after uncle Harry and then describes how uncle Harry was a drunkard and a womaniser. As a 6 year old boy learns this what sort of impact is that going to have on his script. Or a woman reports that she is named after grandma Merle who was a spinster who spent her life doing good work in sub Saharan Africa. What sense is a little 6 year old girl going to make of all that?


Then there is the whole area of sex role scripting when a father wanted a boy and got a girl so he gives her a name like Kim. That type of thing can often result in a sense that there is something wrong within the child. In one sense your name is your public signature and thus it is seen as having some importance in one’s sense of identity as Eric Berne described.


My name is actually, Anthony Gilbert Browning White. Gilbert comes from my grandfather on my mother’s side - Gilbert Troup. What I have been told about him is that he was a very learned doctor and anaesthetist in this state for many years. My mother had a special attachment to her father and in one way revered him. When he died they created an award named after him that is given each year to the most successful student of anaesthesiology at a medical school here. On a side note about 5 years ago at a dinner function I attended, I discovered that the woman sitting opposite me had actually won it. Bit of an odd situation really.


I have spent my work life in the helping professions. Is this my life script from my naming?


However it is not all cheese and biscuits I may add. Whilst she revered him and felt a special connection to him I have learned over the years from her that he had a tendency to neglect his domestic duties. Whilst he was much loved by his patients he at times would tend to them before he tended to his own family. This as one can imagine resulted in some disquiet amongst family members including my mother who named me after him. Has this had an impact on my life script? Such are the vagaries of child development.


Graffiti

20 comments:

  1. In "Freakonomics" the authors approach this from a different angle - that parents who give their children names like e.g. DeShawn or Roshanda tend to be from "specific" circles so the name may be something you are given with your script rather than the name being a trigger that launches/modifies your script.

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  2. Nice distinguished name Tony. :)
    I know nothing about my name and why I have it. Perhaps that is something I could ask my mother.

    So how did Graffiti come about?

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  3. Ohh, very interesting to read and consider this. Thanks. :)

    In elementary school one of our tasks was to find out how we got our names. That reminds me of this. My mother just picked a name she heard one day and liked. Maybe that's a factor of why I don't know what to do with my life.

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  4. Hello Zbig,

    I have not heard of that book but it is an interesting new take on the idea of scripting, some of the names you get theses days is out there as you say

    Graffiti

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  5. That is a good story Annalynn,

    the naming process is such an attribution process. People are given their life script in a way many are not even aware of.

    Graffiti

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  6. Yes OLJ go and ask your mother and see what you find.

    Graffiti?

    That is a big question OLJ. It represents a whole view of the world and my soap box. So we dont want to go there, do we?

    Graffiti

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  7. Just to make it clear - Freakonomics is not a book on the TA, it's just a bunch of essays how an economist looks on life with sometimes fresh eye. It doesn't raise the topic of scripts.

    The one about names was that there is a statistically significant difference in incomes between e.g. Jakes and DeShawns - but the causal chain is not that obvious as to suggest that if the parents had changed their minds on that day when the name was registered - the incomes wouldn't trade places.

    All you Jakes and DeShawns reading this - please do not feel offended, it's just statistics (there are lies, damn big lies and statistics as someone once said)

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  8. I'm just plain Susan. I like it. I think it just kind of happened; just like I did.

    Life is so fresh when we never really know what exactly is around the corner isn't it? I love it!

    I do like your name. Its long. There's 4 bits to it. wow!

    So... it's AGBW. Well I'm SMW well, i was before I was married... now i'm S double M. Weird huh? Could almost be a radio station.

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  9. Zbig, I have never heard of that book but it has an interesting title.

    My son is a Jake!

    Cheers

    Tony

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  10. Yes roses you do sound like a radio station.

    What does the 'M' stand for. Do you have a nickname and what does it mean

    Tony

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  11. Where did the Browning come from Tony?

    And whats in a blog name?

    I knwo you have asked before of me and others how we chose our Blog name.

    I have been really busy of late but will get round to scanning in that stuff and sending you.

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  12. Oh Tony,

    No nick name as such; just a variation of my name = Suzi

    Also my middle name is May. That was the month I was born in.

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  13. My middle name is my Mom's first name. I've considered changing the name I go by to my middle name. I don't use my legal first name. I feel that legally changing my first name is a big mess, but changing a middle name would be easy. In fact people often mistakenly assume that the name I go by is my middle name.
    But I can't because it's my mom's name and she would be offended.
    I've been forced to keep this part of her.
    I think as lot of my hating myself comes from hating things about me that are like my mom. Oh, I have so many mother issues.

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  14. Yes Kahless,
    I have asked you before and I am still patiently waiting.

    Browning was some poetry guy if I recall correctly. But the stories I have are most about Gilbert

    agbw

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  15. Suzi, Susan, Rosie and Roses and May. That is a lot of names . Where did Roses come from? and can I call you Jan after January?

    Graffiti

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  16. Hi Major,

    That sounds like a strong scripting process in the name. The techincal name is the attribution and i might write a post about it.

    What you describe is the sort of situation where someone might do a bit of work on their name in a therapy group.

    I have read stuff that you have written about your mom and you do seem to have some self dislike as you say

    Graffiti

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  17. *Giggles*
    Rosie is the name of a sheep who proved to us, with out a doubt that sheep are not the most intelligent creatures on the planet. So I chose that name for me in my blog. I was almost certain that you would know that but then again... And anyway, you're the one that changed Rosie to Roses in your own cheeky way.

    But i'm a tad curious... why would you call me Jan? I don't have any affiliation with January anyway... do I?

    Happy day to you...

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  18. agbw,

    your patience has been rewarded; check your inbox. I did have to try to send several times because of the file size, so my email text may sound confusing!

    What do you think to them?

    Kahless.

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  19. Janurary is the best month of the year Roses. Can I suggest that you stop calling your self Rosie and call your self dolphine, as they are the smartest animals on the planet.

    Agbw

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  20. Yes I did recieve them Kahless and they were whopping great big files!

    I will look at them soon and get back to you. I am just putting the final finishing touches to the manuscript so I am taken up with that a bit at this time.
    Cheers

    Tony

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