Are you in love with him/her?
You really did love him didn’t you?
These are questions not uncommon for a therapist to ask. Well I ask such questions in my work as a psychotherapist from time to time. Generally speaking most people can answer those with a degree of certainty.
When asked such a question I have found that most can answer the question quite quickly and feel a degree of certainty in their answer whether that be yes or no. Sometimes you get an answer like,
“Well I could have if...”
there had been time, or if circumstances would have allowed us to
and so on.
The point at hand is that generally speaking people tend to know. This has always surprised me a bit over the years because it raises an odd situation. The person who can answer this question is one who has contact with their Free Child ego state. When they answer the question it is the Free Child that speaks. However ask them to explain what love is and they can’t, as no one can.
Thus we have the odd situation where the Adult ego state cannot explain what love is but the Free Child knows if it has it or not.
The person who finds it difficult to answer is that who has poor access to the Child ego state aspect of their personality, especially the Free Child. That is why when asked the one’s who respond reasonably quickly are the ones who generally know. Those who take a bit of time tend to be those who go to their Adult ego state for the answer and of course the Adult ego state cannot answer it. The Adult ego state does not know, instead it is the Free Child that knows.
Graffiti
I wonder if this is 'tacit knowledge'.
ReplyDeleteIt could be Evan,
ReplyDeletebut I am not too sure that that kind of knowledge is!
Cheers
Tony
The Adult ego state would know the practical explanation to what love is maybe? Maybe have a struggle with the emotional description. Or something like that.
ReplyDeleteHi Linda,
ReplyDeleteSo it seems that coming to know your Child again could be of assistance. That is a nice contract to have my melbournian friend.
I don't want to pressure you or anything but I have seen many Adult descriptions of love and they provide an answer to some degree but by no means provide a full or even close to full description of what I think love is.
Cheers
Tony
:( I have too many contracts. Had a very, very difficult session last week at therapy in which there was an emotional troubling shift for me. Therapist said it was such a good session - I was not so sure so that may mean he is right.
ReplyDeleteI didn't know that you were getting cousnelling again linda.
ReplyDeleteBut what I do know is if a client usually leaves sessions is a trouble free happy frame of mind then things are not going well in the counselling. Now don't get me wrong I am all for clients feeling good and happy, but counselling at some point must include the client feeling some distress. This means you are going deeper than just scratching the surface. If it was an easy happy process to go throguh they would do that by themselves and not need a counsellor!
Take care
Tony
Yes, interesting that thing isn't it? If it feels bad it must be good. First intro to counselling stopped me falling into the abyss. This lot is aiming at taking me down into it so I don't tumble into it - or build a bridge over it. Or whatever the aim is.
ReplyDeleteThose sound like good aims Linda.
ReplyDeleteI wish you all the best with it
Tony
I’m a bit curious about how this post relates to the one you wrote about storge love. Based on how I interpret your description of storge love, people might not realize they are in love if they haven’t been in the relationship long enough to recognize it. Do you suppose people who engage in storge love don’t have as much access to their Free Child?
ReplyDelete