Saturday, September 3, 2011

Using drugs dangerously

In order to use drugs dangerously such as with injecting drug use one has decommission their Adult ego state whilst doing so. This can be done by using what are called defence mechanisms. Humans are very good at lying to themselves and defence mechanisms are one way they can do that.

If a person has the Adult ego state information that sharing injecting equipment is a most unwise thing to do then in order to do it that, the Adult needs to be tricked some how. The Child ego state in some way needs to temporarily trick the Adult. If it can not do this then the person will not share injecting equipment on that occassion.

Defence mechanism & ego states

Below is a statement by a 37 year old doctor who shared needles on this occasion.

“Never in wildest dreams did I EVER IMAGINE that I would share needles. Some of the details around these circumstances I can’t recall. I spose it was so traumatic, having a medical background and a deep moral code around sharing fits it still seems unbelievable.

I would ask the people who had used the fit before me if they had HIV or hepatitis and I chose to believe their response of no. Truth has no place in this world, if it shows up then is gets distorted, ignored or disproven because truth and drugs cannot be in the same room. The thought of not being able to get the drugs into me as quickly as possible especially when watching the others getting relief from their angst was something I could not take. This anxiety/fear far outweighs the fear for my own health and life. It was like trying to resist the sound of a newborn baby crying when you’re breast feeding.

I would disassociate from reality, time and space changed. I would wash the fit out with alcohol or bleech the whole time repeating a mantra of please God please God. I would think who cares anyway, you’re fucked and life is fucked and you’re all fucked. Self loathing and the fear of not getting that rush would fuel me on.

Then the ritual of mixing up would begin and my mind would start bargaining “you’re not really going to do it” “you’ll stop before you whack it” but there is no stopping by this stage you’re like a robot and this thing has you in its grasp. I would cry as I found a vein, wishing I could stop, jacking it back, holding in the sobs so I didn’t shake too much, then pushing it down the relief flooding over like a lover holding you in their arms no more aghhh and once again I’m cleaver and funny, all worries dissolve, I am a sex goddess and philosopher, brave and complete, all fears drift away.” (end quote)

Jumping boy

Can you spot the defence mechanisms?
Or the ways her Child ego state temporarily tricks her Adult ego state.
I can count 4, possibly 5.


1 comment:

  1. (1) She hears what she wants to hear. (2) It’s impossible to resist. (3) It doesn’t really matter; she’s already done it so many times one more time won’t make any difference. (4) She will mitigate risks with germ killers and prayer. (5) Everyone else is doing it. (6) She is better with it than without it.