Monday, May 30, 2011

Life script over the life span

Kahless says

Our development goes back to childhood but we do evolve in adulthood. So the 'issues' (lack of va va vroom) in my forties is not something I remember feeling in my twenties. So I have 'evolved' for want of a better word. I am not sure I repressed my child ego state in my twenties.

Life script

0 - 6 years - life script formation

Child trust
All children have to learn to trust, but are the parents trustworthy?

6 - 12 years - latency period. Crystallisation of the life script decisions made previously

12 - 20+ years - antiscript period where the life script is rejected to some degree. Emotional pain can be ignored or seen as a temporary aberration and thus counselling in a serious way may be avoided. Teens and twenty somethings can still think they can handle it and outside assistance is not necessary. If things don’t get better by the late 20s or early 30s they can’t cope anymore and seek counsel. For instance if there are panic attacks or depression this can be the case.

20+ - late 30s - Implementation of the practicalities necessary for conclusion of the life script to be lived out. A whole series of decisions over an extended time will be made to guarantee the life script comes to its final chapter. Financial decisions, relationship decisions, career decisions, where I live decisions, how I live decisions, how I recreate decisions, educational decisions and so forth.

5 girls
Each of these women will construct the practicalities of their life such that their life script will be fulfilled.

40+/50+ years - The life script becomes clearer as the person ends up in the in the life circumstances that were decided on in the first 6 years of life.

In the period from 0 to late 30s years of age the actual outcome of the life script has not occurred and thus one could argue that in one sense the person is kind of script free. In that period the person is still collecting all the life experiences (reinforcing memories and feelings) and structuring the practicalities of their day to day living that are necessary for the final chapter of the life script to come to fruition.

Pool player

Sometimes the teens, 20s and 30s can be quite good times that are at odds to the final life script outcome. But as one hits about 40 years of age the life script begins to show it self clearly. Both the healthy life scripts and unhealthy life scripts.



  1. I thought at 40 I am pretty safe - if not yet "enlighted" then surely on my way to enlightment and all of a sudden you Tony suggest my script is yet to be revealed? So what's the worst option - say if I take a life story of the least successful member of my extended family that's more or less the pessimistic scenario?

  2. Why is it depressing Kahless, most have healthy and happy life scripts, so the best part is still to come!


  3. Zbig,

    You may have an enlightment life script and as such you will become that when 40+.

    Ask your self the questions

    How do people like me end up?
    If I keep going the same way I am going now how will I be in 20 - 30 years?
    You are on your death bed, who is there and what are they saying?

    That sounds like a good life script - enlightment!


  4. Well, that certainly explains what happened when I hit the age of 40....

    Does all this mean that as a parent I am kind of a script writer for my son?

  5. Word verification for my last comment was "GURUS". How apt.

  6. Yes Linda that is very apt!

    If you add psychotherapy in then the chronological explanation I gave gets altered just as the script gets altered.

    Yes parents are very influential in how a child writes their script, but it is the child who writes the script not the parents

    Take care


  7. I think that it is depressing because what can you do if you don't have a life script that is healthy and happy. However I think it really resonates with my experiences at different stages of my life resulting in things getting much more difficult for me in my late thirties.

    Tony, I've been reading your blog for the last couple of years but I rarely comment so I feel like I know you. If you don't want to comment on my sentence completion that's fine (or if you want to send me comments by email). I'm aware I probably have some maladaptions of personality.


  8. Hi Di,

    I am quite willing to make comment about your sentence completion test. There are some interesting answers.

    Maybe I am paranoid but if a new person appears and asks such questions I wonder about that. Back channel me and send me some photographs so I can get some idea of who you are. Kahless did that and I know her much better. As a counsellor I often use photographs of people particularly as youngsters. The internet is an interesting device.


  9. Hi Tony,

    I'm not good with computers, how do I back channel you and I'll give you some more info.


  10. Di,
    if you look at the right hand side of this site, Tony lists his other websites. Go to the ynot1 website and you will find his email address.

  11. This comment has been removed by the author.

  12. Apologies; I deleted my last comment because I felt the comment was a bit too revealing about me for the public domain than I felt comfortable with.
    Hey, did you see West Ham got relegated?

  13. Hi Di,
    To backchannel me just email me at


  14. Yes Kahless I did see west ham was relegated.

    I also saw than Man U got beaten by the spanish

    I would like to comment on your now deleted comment. It raises some interesting points. May I do that?


  15. Ok. You can do that.
    Btw I went to the Barcelona v man u game. Barcelona were class.

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