My Parent ego state and anger
When my father was angry he would (Hit, withdraw and sulk, shout, swear, give a lecture, get sarcastic, eat, fight, get depressed and so on)
Say -
Do -
When my Mother was angry she would:
Say -
Do -
My Child ego state decisions about anger
When I was angry mother (father) would
Say -
Do -
Feel -
When I saw mother (father) angry I would
Say -
Do -
Feel -
What did your mother and father say about expressing anger. (OK, not OK, good, bad, time & place, men & women, etc)
As a teenager did you get rebellious and angry? If so how did you express it and how did the parent figures respond?
Summation of early decisions =
Graffiti
Thanks for all the interesting points about anger and anger work. How flexible do you think the decisions you make about anger and how acceptable it is to express it? I think I've understood how my parents expressed their own feelings and anger as well as how they repressed my expression for a long time but I still struggle with a healthy expression of anger in my own life.
ReplyDeleteThe posts have given me a lot of food for thought about anger and about how it is working in therapy to reinforce my views about it (or my life script).
Di
I am glad they have been of use to you Di.
ReplyDeleteOnce early decisions have been made and have been crystallized in the latency period they are not flexible at all. Most will oive them oput for the rest of their days. Fortunately in counselling they can be changed. If the client is ready that is not all that hard to do usually. There are a few decisions which are known as the core decisions and these do tend to be more resilient, sometimes much more resilient.
Tony
When my father was angry he would simply do the “tck” thing - you know? - sucking the tongue off the top of your mouth sound - and nod his head up and down with an unsavoury look on his face. Then we’d just carry on like normal.
ReplyDeleteWhen my mother was angry she would just be really, really angry. Whoever it was that made her angry was going to get an ear full, perhaps a slap, and sent outside to play.
When I was angry... I don’t remember being angry all that much. But... let me think... When my little sister was angry she would kick, bite, hit, throw things, break things, swear, wow... sulk! She was the Queen of all when it came to sulking; she was GOOD! I don’t think there was any energy left – after my sister had finished – for me to be angry! Between mum, my elder sister and my younger sister... it was so exhausting just to watch. I tell you... they were good!
When I saw father angry, I felt really bad/sorry inside. When I saw mother angry, I felt really bad (sorry?) for her.
I don’t remember father or mother saying anything about being angry.
The only time I can remember feeling rebellious was when I wanted to leave school and mum didn’t want me to. She told me to pack my bag and leave, so I left. Dad came to pick me up later that night to take me home because dinner was ready. That would have to have been the easiest house move that I’ve ever experienced. I wish they were all like that.