Saturday, July 11, 2009

Physical intimacy**

I have been meaning to write about this but have never got around to it. With the current interest in intimacy I thought the time was right.

Most normal sexual activity would be a Free Child to Free Child exchange. It is of course possible to have sex in a different ego state, at least for the woman it is. She can have sex in her Adult because she wants to fall pregnant. I would say however, that for a male to have sex that involved him getting an erection then his FC must be involved at least in part.

If it feels good or is erotic for him then it would usually be seen as Free Child and then he can obtain an erection. This of course causes problems for male child who was sexually assaulted by perhaps mother or a sister because if he obtained an erection then it proves that in part he found it an erotic event and thus was in one sense consensual.

A woman can also have sex completely in her Conforming Child ego state. She agrees to sexual contact because her husband has asked or demanded it. She wants to say no but says yes for some reason. Again this cannot really happen for a man because if he is 100% “No”, then the necessary anatomical changes are just not going to happen.

However the female can do one other thing and develop a condition called vaginismus. The muscles on the outer third of the vagina contract involuntarily such that penetration is simply not possible. So if she is a 100% “No”, then this condition can form and thus stop vaginal penetration. When a woman presents with such a condition one certainly would be investigating the dynamics of her current relationship to see if she is wanting to say no to sex but continuing to say yes instead. At times this is not the case and the vaginismus occurs because of prior sexual contact she had and not related to her current sexual partner which is not really fair for the current guy. He has done nothing wrong and yet he misses out, but ‘such is life’ at times.

Whilst her body may be making a very loud and definite Free Child statement with the vaginismus, often in practical terms it is only partially successful at best. The male simply requests other forms of sexual contact than vaginal penetration and she continues to say yes.

Baring these circumstances most sexual contact is FC to FC contact and this can explain why some males suffer from erectile dysfunction as it is called. That is the inability to obtain and/or sustain an erection such that penetration cannot occur.

If the man has difficulty accessing his Free Child ego state then this of course can have consequences with his sexual functioning. When working with such conditions of course one would be looking at these kinds of personality dynamics. For instance a man who was raised with the belief that feelings especially sexual feelings are bad can have such problems because the Free Child is inhibited by such messages.

If he has a very active internal Critical Parent then this can also trample on the Free Child and thus result in erectile dysfunction. In this case he may discover than consuming some alcohol greatly assists with his ability to obtain an erection. The first thing alcohol does is knock out the CP and thus his Free Child is allowed to come out and be expressed.

Alcohol can greatly assist in such circumstances as long as there is not too much consumed. If the man continues to drink then eventually the Free Child is blocked out and then nothing is going to happen. Psychological treatment of this type of erectile dysfunction is to reduce the Critical Parent. It should be noted that there are other psychological causes that are not being discussed.

Being one of the most sensitive aspects of the personality the Free Child is particularly susceptible to stress. For instance if a man is placed under considerable stress at work then this can result in either erectile dysfunction and/or a significant drop in his libido. The stress simply tramples on the Free Child and thus the sexual behaviour is effected as such.



  1. Your choice of images is always interesting...especially the woman on the crocodile. ?!?!

    I had never thought of sex being a FC-FC exchange. Interesting.

    Also, excessive drinking causes physical responses that inhibit the ability of a man, not just blocking the FC.

  2. Hello April,

    Upon reflection I will remove that picture of the woman and crocodile later today. I pirated it from her blog. If she ever stumbled across it in the context that it is used she would probably be mortified.

    Good to hear from you


  3. Not only Conforming Child to get pregnant. I think that when a man is under stress at work or family stuff (what ever) that he is dreadfully in need of an orgasm. I don't know why i know (believe) this but it has always been in my mind. Whether i'm in the mood or not - if he needs some release, then he's going to get it... and good!

    Sex is nice. Mostly really nice. But it's also necessary. Its a health thing i think.

    I have no idea where i heard that from (the release in orgasm thing) but for some reason i believe its really important... and fun.

    This is such a good post. I guess its more of an informational reading than a practical help one - but really good.

    There's also times when i really need sex and he obliges (i think he likes it too though) and also times when i'm upset or something and he feels that i need a little more activity. Perhaps he thinks that keeping me busy will help to keep my mind off the stressful situation? *Shrugs* Whatever...

    Gosh its good to be back! Happy Saturday!

  4. Glad you like the post Roses,

    Sex and release? Would would get a lot of agreeance on that from Wilhelm Reich, who, if you don't know is one of the most influential writers in all the psychological literature.

    He posited that one could cure neurosis by having orgasms.

    Now before you discard him as a complete ‘quack’ have a think about it. If sex is FC to FC then having an orgasm is cathecticing an ego state that many have trouble with. In psychological terms it is no different than treating oneself to something nice like good food or a hug and so on.

    Most people in western culture don’t have enough FC and so much treatment of neurosis is getting to, an encouraging the expression of FC which is what sex does.

    He says a lot more about the psychological health promoting factors of the orgasm that I cannot go into here but he did invent the orgone box. Clients sat in the orgone box and had orgasms in it which helped cure their neurosis. I have a photogrpah of one that I could post if you like


  5. Oh my goodness! An Orgone Box? Are they available in Kmart or Big W ... the salvation army? Ohh, perhaps not a second hand one - eww!

    I'm all intrigued now. Have you ever had a go of one? Is it weird?

    Apart from the embarrassing part of it all - it sounds like fun to me. Would you post the picture? Please? So fun!

    Are you having me on. Is the orgon box real? I feel that perhaps it may be in your character to pull my leg just to get a giggle. Cheeky!

  6. No leg pulling here Roses,

    the orgone box is a rigey digey thing.

    I have never seen them on sale but I have a book on how to make them. So I might make one!


  7. Actually, i don't think an orgasm is as good or fun on your own. I don't think it was designed to be that way.

    I read up a little on wickapedia (sp?) and he seems to be quite a sensible fellow (Mr Reich). I think his thoughts on the energies (Orgasmic or orgone energy) releases line up with the way things are. He was a very observant chap wasn't he?


  8. Well, if you're going to make one - make 2. It'll be cheaper for part aquisition. I'll buy one off you.

    I think it only collected data of some kind on the energy expelled and stuff like that (as you well know cheeky pants) but there had to read an orgasm there had to be an orgasm. I think even Mr Einstin had a go - if i read it correctly. *Giggles* Hmm, puts all these old professors in a whole new light doesn't it?

    But as i said orgasms are a shared thing i think.

    I can't believe you have a book with assembly instructions! I'm totally mind blown!

    I think i'm going to get some rest now - this week has been harrowing to say the least.

    Thanks for the giggles and the... thoughts.

    Nighty night

  9. A lot has been said and written about him Roses.

    Also he wrote an enormous amount himself over a long period of time on a wide variety of topics and thus if you read someone making comment about him (like Wiki does) one needs to take it cautiously.


  10. Also, men can be raped by a woman? the part about if men don't want it, it isn't happening needs an asterisk or something.,9171,973073,00.html

  11. I think good sex can also involve nurturing parent (feeling cherished) and adult (hmm - that didn't work this time). Critical parent? Perhaps, No don't do that it doesn't feel good.

  12. That is an interesting article April.
    I am not too sure what you are saying about the asterix though.

    I would agree that people can easily switch between feelings once they are in a state of arousal. Aggression and sexual arousal are physiologically quite similar and this is the reason often cited why in Domestic violence the man can rape the woman at some point.

    Some men would find being forced to sex by a woman erotic and thus physical arousal can occur but that means he is not 100% against the sex because the arousal makes it attractive for him so in that sense he is not being raped. But if he didn't find it erotic and was being forced against his will then I would suggest that he would not get an erection and theoretically the explanation is that Free Child is not involved at all.


  13. Hi Evan,

    Nurturing Parent sounds good as well. Maybe even through in a bit of Rebellious Child to boot and see what happens then!

    As you say CP is probably not the way to go.



  14. I forgot what I was going to say once I read all the comments above!

    Oh well.

  15. Actually Tony,

    I believe a man or a woman, or a male or female child, could be unwillingly forced into having sex. It makes it a bit difficult to call it 'rape' then but if its sexual intercourse against the individuals will then that's what it is. I don't really care what other people think - whether overly intelligent or not - things are only impossible if they're not possible and people are amazing creatures in that; pretty much anything seems to be possible for a human being.

    I think these people carry shame and guilt and perhaps more so because the unconcentual sexual act happened quietly without the physical brutality and they can be fooled or fool themselves into believing that they were willingly involved in the incident/s.

    That just makes me so angry!

    Abuse is abuse whether physical, emotional, mental or spiritual.

  16. Well I agree with you Roses about abuse being abuse and I understand your anger.

    I don't think we are disagreeing here are we?


  17. Kahless,
    It's not early on set dementia is it?


  18. "But if he didn't find it erotic and was being forced against his will then I would suggest that he would not get an erection..."

    Oh ok, we're not disagreeing here.