Physical intimacy**

I have been meaning to write about this but have never got around to it. With the current interest in intimacy I thought the time was right.

Most normal sexual activity would be a Free Child to Free Child exchange. It is of course possible to have sex in a different ego state, at least for the woman it is. She can have sex in her Adult because she wants to fall pregnant. I would say however, that for a male to have sex that involved him getting an erection then his FC must be involved at least in part.

If it feels good or is erotic for him then it would usually be seen as Free Child and then he can obtain an erection. This of course causes problems for male child who was sexually assaulted by perhaps mother or a sister because if he obtained an erection then it proves that in part he found it an erotic event and thus was in one sense consensual.

A woman can also have sex completely in her Conforming Child ego state. She agrees to sexual contact because her husband has asked or demanded it. She wants to say no but says yes for some reason. Again this cannot really happen for a man because if he is 100% “No”, then the necessary anatomical changes are just not going to happen.

However the female can do one other thing and develop a condition called vaginismus. The muscles on the outer third of the vagina contract involuntarily such that penetration is simply not possible. So if she is a 100% “No”, then this condition can form and thus stop vaginal penetration. When a woman presents with such a condition one certainly would be investigating the dynamics of her current relationship to see if she is wanting to say no to sex but continuing to say yes instead. At times this is not the case and the vaginismus occurs because of prior sexual contact she had and not related to her current sexual partner which is not really fair for the current guy. He has done nothing wrong and yet he misses out, but ‘such is life’ at times.

Whilst her body may be making a very loud and definite Free Child statement with the vaginismus, often in practical terms it is only partially successful at best. The male simply requests other forms of sexual contact than vaginal penetration and she continues to say yes.

Baring these circumstances most sexual contact is FC to FC contact and this can explain why some males suffer from erectile dysfunction as it is called. That is the inability to obtain and/or sustain an erection such that penetration cannot occur.

If the man has difficulty accessing his Free Child ego state then this of course can have consequences with his sexual functioning. When working with such conditions of course one would be looking at these kinds of personality dynamics. For instance a man who was raised with the belief that feelings especially sexual feelings are bad can have such problems because the Free Child is inhibited by such messages.

If he has a very active internal Critical Parent then this can also trample on the Free Child and thus result in erectile dysfunction. In this case he may discover than consuming some alcohol greatly assists with his ability to obtain an erection. The first thing alcohol does is knock out the CP and thus his Free Child is allowed to come out and be expressed.

Alcohol can greatly assist in such circumstances as long as there is not too much consumed. If the man continues to drink then eventually the Free Child is blocked out and then nothing is going to happen. Psychological treatment of this type of erectile dysfunction is to reduce the Critical Parent. It should be noted that there are other psychological causes that are not being discussed.

Being one of the most sensitive aspects of the personality the Free Child is particularly susceptible to stress. For instance if a man is placed under considerable stress at work then this can result in either erectile dysfunction and/or a significant drop in his libido. The stress simply tramples on the Free Child and thus the sexual behaviour is effected as such.

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