That was me when I was around 8 years old. I had fallen off a horse and ruptured my spleen and because of the amount of internal bleeding, had to go to hospital and get the ruptured spleen out. Because I just slept all day and left it so late (until the pain was unbearable) they said that I nearly died.
I’m actually glad that I didn’t die though – there are so many things I would have missed out on.
I remember for the first few days (or was it just one night *shrugs*) I was in the children's ward with a bunch of other kids but then they moved me to a ward that only had grown up women in it. They said (or at least I think I heard someone say) that I had been moved to keep me safe from infection and stuff like that. I don’t remember feeling bad about the change – I think I was too sick at the time.
My mum would visit me every day and I must have cried when she left because after I was in there a week or more my mum told me that if I cry when she left to go home, the hospital wouldn’t let her come and visit me anymore.
I don’t remember whether I cried or not after that. But just now, thinking on it, it’s amazing how fear is a very good controller. And it starts in on us at such a young age!
Soon after that my mum brought with her a spirograph set with lots of coloured pens with which I sat up and made the most amazing designs and stuff. Gosh that was fun! I will never forget that. My mum always looked worried when it was time for her to say goodbye after that but I would smile the biggest smile and loudly say “Goodbye mum” then get my spirograph out and have so much fun.
I will just get better and then ‘they’ won’t be able to boss my mum around anymore! I’ll show them!
Oh Tony! I must have been so angry! I’ve just realised now.
This isn’t a sad story at all! It’s not a Black rock yucky thing at all! Ohh! Did I ruin it for you? Sorry about that!
*Giggles* Tony, this is the other attachment I sent to you with the picture I drew, via email.
"My story is...
I was around 8 years old, and after falling off a horse my spleen ruptured. I bled internally and so the surgeon took my spleen out.
I was in the hospital for so long - it felt like ‘forever’ and, really early in the piece, they took me out of the children’s ward and put me into the women’s ward. I think I remember them saying (or vaguely hearing) that if I stayed in the children’s ward there would be a greater risk of infection or something like that.
Whenever mum visited me, it was wonderful and I felt good but then she had to leave and go home. I must have cried when she left and so one day, probably a week or so later, she told me that if I cried, the hospital staff told her that she couldn’t come visit me anymore.
I can’t remember if I cried or not since then but I remember being told not to.
That’s it. Pretty simple really but to me it’s a bit yucky."
No you haven't ruined anything for me. The goal of the black rock thing is to identify the 'injunctions' that you were given by your parents and it seems that it is highly likely that you made the decision, "Don't feel sad". Indeed it may even be "Don't feel sad, feel angry". This is the injunction you were given and this forms part of your life script
That young child perceived her mum to be telling her not to be sad (ie cry). That decision by the young child then sits in her unconscious to become operational every time she feels sad. Most people never become aware of their injunctions and live their lives under the programming of such injunctions without even realising it.
This injunction will become operational when it is time to feel sad which is particularly so in the grieving process. This injunction could significantly disrupt the grieving process as there will be a tendency to avoid sad feelings which are crucial to successfully grieve. Indeed when she feels sad there may be a tendency to convert the sad feelings into anger. Hence the grief is complicated.
The other thing about injunctions is the message is given because of the parent’s own Child ego state needs. Most parents will think they are making such suggestions to the young girl for the child’s own benefit. In this instance the parent may think that to tell the child not to cry will benefit the child by making it feel less emotional pain when mummy leaves. However the main motivation is because the parent’s own Child ego state is so distressed by seeing the young girl cry and the child is told not to cry to alleviate the parent’s own distress rather than the young girl’s.
All parent’s do this to varying degrees and I am sure I have done it to some of my children as well
Roses you had a lovely mum who came and visited you each day in hospital.
I know you cry, you told me you have cried when your sister died but you have also told me how you dislike it and sometimes you do seem to get angry a bit
Is the picture "self talking to self?"
ReplyDeleteThat is a pertinent comment kahless that I wondered myself.
ReplyDeleteI have no idea what the story is with that picture but it does look like both are saying it
Tony
I look forward to hearing more about this story and understanding it further.
ReplyDeleteThat was me when I was around 8 years old. I had fallen off a horse and ruptured my spleen and because of the amount of internal bleeding, had to go to hospital and get the ruptured spleen out. Because I just slept all day and left it so late (until the pain was unbearable) they said that I nearly died.
ReplyDeleteI’m actually glad that I didn’t die though – there are so many things I would have missed out on.
I remember for the first few days (or was it just one night *shrugs*) I was in the children's ward with a bunch of other kids but then they moved me to a ward that only had grown up women in it. They said (or at least I think I heard someone say) that I had been moved to keep me safe from infection and stuff like that. I don’t remember feeling bad about the change – I think I was too sick at the time.
My mum would visit me every day and I must have cried when she left because after I was in there a week or more my mum told me that if I cry when she left to go home, the hospital wouldn’t let her come and visit me anymore.
I don’t remember whether I cried or not after that. But just now, thinking on it, it’s amazing how fear is a very good controller. And it starts in on us at such a young age!
Soon after that my mum brought with her a spirograph set with lots of coloured pens with which I sat up and made the most amazing designs and stuff. Gosh that was fun! I will never forget that. My mum always looked worried when it was time for her to say goodbye after that but I would smile the biggest smile and loudly say “Goodbye mum” then get my spirograph out and have so much fun.
I will just get better and then ‘they’ won’t be able to boss my mum around anymore! I’ll show them!
Oh Tony! I must have been so angry! I’ve just realised now.
This isn’t a sad story at all! It’s not a Black rock yucky thing at all! Ohh! Did I ruin it for you? Sorry about that!
*Giggles* Tony, this is the other attachment I sent to you with the picture I drew, via email.
ReplyDelete"My story is...
I was around 8 years old, and after falling off a horse my spleen ruptured. I bled internally and so the surgeon took my spleen out.
I was in the hospital for so long - it felt like ‘forever’ and, really early in the piece, they took me out of the children’s ward and put me into the women’s ward. I think I remember them saying (or vaguely hearing) that if I stayed in the children’s ward there would be a greater risk of infection or something like that.
Whenever mum visited me, it was wonderful and I felt good but then she had to leave and go home. I must have cried when she left and so one day, probably a week or so later, she told me that if I cried, the hospital staff told her that she couldn’t come visit me anymore.
I can’t remember if I cried or not since then but I remember being told not to.
That’s it. Pretty simple really but to me it’s a bit yucky."
Hello Roses,
ReplyDeletethanks for the story.
No you haven't ruined anything for me. The goal of the black rock thing is to identify the 'injunctions' that you were given by your parents and it seems that it is highly likely that you made the decision, "Don't feel sad". Indeed it may even be "Don't feel sad, feel angry". This is the injunction you were given and this forms part of your life script
That young child perceived her mum to be telling her not to be sad (ie cry). That decision by the young child then sits in her unconscious to become operational every time she feels sad. Most people never become aware of their injunctions and live their lives under the programming of such injunctions without even realising it.
This injunction will become operational when it is time to feel sad which is particularly so in the grieving process. This injunction could significantly disrupt the grieving process as there will be a tendency to avoid sad feelings which are crucial to successfully grieve. Indeed when she feels sad there may be a tendency to convert the sad feelings into anger. Hence the grief is complicated.
The other thing about injunctions is the message is given because of the parent’s own Child ego state needs. Most parents will think they are making such suggestions to the young girl for the child’s own benefit. In this instance the parent may think that to tell the child not to cry will benefit the child by making it feel less emotional pain when mummy leaves. However the main motivation is because the parent’s own Child ego state is so distressed by seeing the young girl cry and the child is told not to cry to alleviate the parent’s own distress rather than the young girl’s.
All parent’s do this to varying degrees and I am sure I have done it to some of my children as well
Graffiti
But.. Tony...
ReplyDeleteShe said that they said all that stuff. They were picking on her! Weren't they?
you think she lied to me?
I guess that's possible.
I was hurting her?
It may not have been them them hurting her?
Ohh. I didn't know - I could see but i couldn't know that could I?
I love my mum.
I cry. I cry when I'm sad.
Roses you had a lovely mum who came and visited you each day in hospital.
ReplyDeleteI know you cry, you told me you have cried when your sister died but you have also told me how you dislike it and sometimes you do seem to get angry a bit
Tony
*Giggles* Yes, it is true... i do seem to get angry a bit.
ReplyDeleteYou are right.
Gosh! I hope you had a fun Sunday... I did!
I have forgotten to thank you for your kindness toward me when I explode here on your blog. I so appreciate it. Thank you Tony.