Wednesday, June 26, 2013

Racket feelings and manipulation

In my upcoming workshop on racket feelings I look at the role feelings can play in human relationships. Especially how people use feelings to manipulate each other. The three most common feelings used to manipulate others are fear, guilt and shame.

For example, many men and women have had a covert unwritten agreement for many generations. Most of the time they are unaware they are even doing so. Women have learnt that in conflict with a male if they start to cry some men will tend to give them what they want, at least to some degree. They are behaving in such a way that the man will feel guilt and this motivates him to change his behaviour in such a way that suits the woman.


On the other hand men have learnt that if they begin to raise their voice and show some level of anger then some women will have a fear response and this motivates her to change her behaviour such  that it suits the man to some degree.

Then there are parents and children. Parents learn quickly that to get a child to do what they want using fear, guilt or shame is much more effective than the usually prescribed methods of time out and consequences of behaviour. The only difficulty with using the feelings method of parenting is there are some negative side effects for the child.



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